Tag Archives: family

Old Saturday Memories

I went out a while ago to do my Saturday chores.  It’s a cold rainy day, fog and clouds down low on the mountains, and I was hit with a memory from my teenage years.

There were many cold Saturdays like this, colder and more often, it seems.  Sometimes I would take a real nap for a couple of hours in the afternoon, in the bed or on the carpeted living room floor, covered with a cozy blanket or comforter.   My mom would make spaghetti or meat loaf or chili for supper, and we always had dessert, homemade chocolate pie or maybe banana pudding.  Then my mom, dad, and I would go up to Western (that is, Western Carolina University) to Reid Gym to watch the Catamounts play basketball.  It would be crowded and so hot and loud, kind of crazy sometimes, but exhilarating.

Afterwards, we’d have to walk back to the car and I’d be freezing.  By the time the chill wore off the car, we’d be home, go inside where it was warm, put on the pj’s, and have another piece of that pie.  My mom would say my dad and I rehashed the game too much.

Such sweet and cozy memories….a lifetime ago.

~Honeybee

Memories

We make memories every day, but for some reason, some of them latch onto our minds and especially our hearts more than others.

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Last week I spent a few days with one of my daughters at her house in the Raleigh area to help babysit my other daughter’s two little girls while she and her husband were on a trip. I miss those little ones so much since they moved away from here. It was wonderful seeing them fall asleep at night, wake up in the morning, and everything in between…walks, meals, laughter, playing with dogs, eating ice cream (twice!), fingernail painting, playgrounds, deer at dusk, an unexpected double rainbow, doing yard work, silliness, sweetness, and the greatly missed hugs….really just being together.

But one memory I’ll keep with me is going to the nursery with my daughter (and the grands, of course) to look for plants for her yard. There was free ice cream and lemonade, face painting, lots of colorful bridges to cross as we wandered among beautiful trees and flowers and fountains. She decided on Rose of Sharon, hostas, and lantanas. While the older granddaughter had a bright butterfly painted on her cheek, the little one sat patiently eating every drop of her ice cream, then both girls got free flowers to take home. It was a lovely, sweet, and special day I’ll carry in my heart for a long time. Just the beauty of simple everyday life spent out in nature with family.

Granted, every day or week may not be crammed with so many “big” blessings, but I do believe there’s something to be thankful for every single day we’re alive on this beautiful planet.

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~Honeybee

Letting Go

Pantheism is my worldview, my philosophy, based on experiencing life through the senses, learning from nature and the sciences, using reason. It underlies decisions I make, positions I take. It’s a mind thing.

Pantheism is my religion, knowing the sacred is everywhere, all around me, finding something to appreciate and be awestruck by every single day if I’ll only open myself up to that possibility. It’s a heart thing.

Through pantheism, I’ve come to realize Nature as both my God and my church, my constant companion and teacher, my home. Deep down, I think I always knew it. It’s a mind and heart thing.

One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned from Nature is letting go. To me, life seems essentially to be a series of opportunities, even demands, to let go, for isn’t that what growth really is? Maybe it’s seasons coming and going, or day into night, then dark into light again, tides coming in, then going out, baby birds leaving the nest, leaves falling, the effects of wildfires and storms, bountiful gardens dying after harvest, flowers drying up after blooming, preparing for the next season.

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We humans, as part of Nature, aren’t immune from the letting-go process. It seems we all have our fair share, eventually culminating in that biggest letting go of all that none of us can avoid. I’ve let go of relationships and friendships, jobs, pets, dreams, beliefs, opportunities, homes, roles, labels, health issues, the “me” I used to be at different times in my life. Sometimes the letting go is of my own choosing, but not always, yet if we never do it, we stagnate. I’ve watched both my parents die as I sat at their bedside, as well as held numerous cats and dogs while they took their last breath. I had to let go when my oldest daughter moved away years ago, and now I’m facing another form of release that I’ve been struggling with for a couple of weeks. My younger daughter, son-in-law, and two little granddaughters will soon be moving about nine hours away for a new job opportunity. I’m coming to terms with not seeing them for stretches at a time rather than the current few times a week.

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Letting go is a mixed bag sometimes. It can be sad and feel like a punch in the stomach, like you can’t breathe for a while, yet it makes room for something new to grow, hopeful stirrings, expectant, just like a forest after a fire or a newly tilled garden plot. It’s not always an absolute ending, but sometimes merely a change in form. For my daughter and her family, it’s an adventure, a chance to experience new things, to spread their own wings. I’m having to learn to look at it that way, too, not only for them, which is easy to see, but also for me, which I’ve been struggling with a little bit. Letting go forces us to move out of our familiar cocoons for a while, or sometimes even for a lifetime, and get a new perspective, finding a different kind of comfortable, bolstered by memories and mementos from the past, as well the constant presence of Nature and all its gifts and healing and the promise of new experiences to come.

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Pantheism has helped me through many previous transitions and with this current one, too. Both it and nature remind me life is all about change and cycles, life and death, preparation, growth and discovery, creativity and release, that letting go is a natural part of living. It gives me hope and options and provides me with a caring community. Yes, I can choose to be depressed and lonely, just hibernating and feeling sorry for myself….

I’m reminded of a quote attributed to Sufi poet Hafiz:

“I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness, the astonishing light of your own being.”

Or I can choose life and see where it takes me, too, now that the roles I’ve played for so long are changing in some ways and I’m discovering myself anew, with more opportunities opening up to pursue interests I haven’t had so much time for before….and thanks to technology and science, staying in touch with distant loved ones is easier now.

I’m not special. Each of us learns the lesson of letting go throughout our whole lives. I guess how we handle it helps determine how happy we feel. It’s a mind and heart thing. Pantheism and Nature have taught me that and reminded me what a fortunate creature I am to participate in this thing called life. Ironically, as I write this, the song playing on Pandora is “Time To Say Good-Bye.”

~Honeybee

(originally published in Pantheist Vision)